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When
we experience the death of someone we love, we experience
grief. Grief is a natural response to loss. The grief process
is uniquely personal and will depend on the closeness of the
relationship, and whether the death is sudden or expected.
There are common stages, but no one experiences these in the
same sequence, time frame, or intensity. Some stages are:
Feelings of shock
Shock is often the first reaction to news of the death of
someone you love. It is your body's way of coping with a traumatic
situation.
Disbelief/Denial
Sometimes the suddenness of the death is met with disbelief
or even denial if the reality of the death is too painful
to deal with.
We express emotion
It is healthy for us to cry and it is a natural release of
emotion. Sometimes we may express relief, as the death may
provide a ‘release’ for the one we love from pain
and suffering. It is normal to feel relieved and you need
not feel guilty. Suppressing your emotions may slow your recovery.
Loneliness
Feeling alone is common following the separation from the
one you love. This happens even when family and friends provide
care and support.
Guilt
Some people feel guilty for the death and blame themselves,
particularly if the death was an accident or suicide. You
may feel that if only you had been there or intervened in
a situation, you might have stopped the death. It takes a
long time to resolve these feelings.
Anger
You may find yourself expressing anger towards the person
who has died for leaving you. Anger might also be turned on
people you feel could have saved the one you love like doctors,
or people who were present.
Physical
Symptoms
Coping with bereavement often causes a physical response.
You may suffer from headaches, temporary loss of memory and
concentration, loss of appetite, sleeplessness, low defence
to flu and infections and lack of energy or motivation.
Some people also reflect the symptoms of their loved one's
illness by "feeling their pain" in a physical way.
Readjustment - life goes on.
Throughout the grieving process, many people find it hard
to return to normal activities and routines of life. However
over time, you will pick up the threads of life and finally
feel that there is "light at the end of the tunnel".
Life becomes more bearable, although it has changed.
You may find the services of a grief counsellor beneficial
during the readjustment period. We can recommend suitable
professional counsellors.
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